#sarcasm

In recognition of all your hard work, you have earned a nice big bonus. Unfortunately, it's too big. After talking it over with the share holders, we don't think you'll know what to do with all that money, so I've decided to reduce everyone's bonus by 5% and keep it for myself. Keep up the good work, and with any luck we can do this again next year, but if you do to good, I might have to take even more of your money.

Another ex McKinsey guy to head up a transformation office. That's 3 in the last 6 months, Alfonso, Ferry and now Harrison.

ARE YOU NOT TRANSFORMED??!!!

Larry Ellison Falls Out Of Top 10 In Billionaire Rankings As Oracle Plunges

https://www.forbes.com/sites/fionariley/2026/11/05/larry-ellison-falls-out-of-top-10-in-billionaire-rankings-as-oracle-plunges/

With kindness and compassion.

new line for sale at Poundland are Xerox shares

Now, back to the serious business of destroying this company with sh---y social engineering! Get to work, Chr***r!

Hundreds being hired around the globe, HR suffering burnout due to all the hiring paperwork

Car parks rammed, not enough desks, coffee machines running out due to demand

Everyone wants to work for this growth company, we are heading to the moon - hold on tight !!!

Just one year ago, FLD told us that collaboration was fantastic. A tremendous success. The best collaboration anyone had ever seen. But now, apparently, one year later, collaboration has gone bad. Very bad. Nobody knows why. Nobody understands it. So naturally, the solution is to drag everyone back to the office. Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! Because nothing boosts productivity like spending two hours commuting to sit at a desk, wearing headphones, attending virtual meetings with colleagues sitting 10 metres away. Incredible innovation! And the best part? It's all about collaboration. Believe me, nobody collaborates better than people who are forced to be in the same building. We are going to make offices great again!

155 billion and let you peasants work in peace. Nope

AT&T took the day seriously.

Who wants to be the one to educate our CEO and whoever is guiding him that the term accelerate when coupled with “multi year” is an oxyMORON.

T-Mobile US hunts for engineers as humanoid efforts broaden

https://www.sdxcentral.com/news/t-mobile-us-hunts-for-engineers-as-humanoid-efforts-broaden/

Ahoy crew! Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend ashore. For those of us still aboard the SS Comcast, don’t forget your buckets tomorrow. 🪣

Apparently we’re taking on water, losing passengers, splitting the fleet in half and somehow this is all part of the captain’s brilliant new navigation strategy. Versant already sailed off, NBCUniversal and Sky are preparing to depart, and the rest of us are apparently being left on the Xfinity life raft with a couple of captains from DIRECTV.

Some of our finest crew members were just forced ashore. People who spent years keeping this ship running. Meanwhile, the folks who helped steer us into this mess are still up on the bridge telling us to row faster.

We’ve lost so many passengers that even the people on shore are reporting on this disaster. But don’t worry, the captain says we’re making excellent progress. We tried sending a distress signal to Crew Relations, but apparently that department only handles complaints from the captain.

McKinsey is probably upstairs figuring out how many more deckhands we can throw overboard before the ship technically qualifies as a canoe.

To everyone who was forced ashore, you deserved better. You weren’t the ones steering this thing. And to the rest of us still aboard, grab your buckets. We’ve got another week of keeping this motherf----rafloat while the bridge congratulates itself on a successful transformation.

Remember crew, we’re not sinking. We’re simplifying the vessel to improve operational agility.

Reporting from below deck. Still waiting for someone to explain who’s actually driving this fu--ing boat.

https://youtu.be/OwfNjGxa_D4?si=_rYgj2tH9HnEr0Z4

Made about 100 Viva Engage posts this week and officially ran out of pictures in my phone. If visibility counts as productivity, I just had the best week of my career

Came here just out of curiosity to see what is posted here vs on the HPI forum and you’ve got us beat hands down! Glad to see the passion in reporting the internal chaos! Having a hard time getting a new CEO since Enrique jaunted off to PayPal. Some good posts over there about Enrique for those interested.

We put you down for a reference in our CEO search, please put in a few good words for us.

Stay classy HPE!

See the posts full of sarcasm, ridicule, demeaning, belittling and frankly, juvenile behavior. That's Humanas leadership at its best.

Ethics, that is why it is crooked

It’s so great to see the birthday celebration for the newest ELT member Smoky the dog.

Can we celebrate birthday for all the other ELTs including the CEO?

It really boosts the employee morale after the last week’s layoffs.

nuts 🥜

we having fun here boys

Any truth to the rumours that anyone still using one of those lame red chair photos as a profile pic is in line to be riffed for not keeping up with the times and not reading the room? Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part…

No layoffs for the foreseeable future , our CEO said our new plan will be built around our most important asset, our people

Rest easy people and collect that cheque

I have to admit, I'm really enjoying watching Oracle go down the drain. Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for the employees who are still there. But as for this parasitic corporation and the leadership itself?...

Bring the pain! More popcorn! 🍿

I am sure all of us are stoked. AWMs Record Year - it rocks. Now this will convert into more $$$ for us, salaries go up, bigger benefits. More $$$ into retirement plans. We'll increase benefits, you'll all love it. Let me know if I missed anything... OK... The sarcasm ends here.

🍿🍿🍿

Guys , Good news . I heard that there will be no layoffs this year . They are trying to retain the employees as much as possible.

May be there will be no hike but everyone is safe

Good luck to everyone! Happy Tuesday

Reminder: two slices per person thank you!

That's it. that's the post.

(so the mods don't take this down... umm.... so how about those layoffs amirite?)

Agreed and confirmed 100%, these moves will drive the company forward

We are going to be more agile, leaner and will deliver value faster and more effectively

Our car parks are going to be full 7 days a week. You will need armour to protect yourself from someone trying to get to their desk before you so they can do their best work

These people are losing out on the incredible energy in the office, positive atmosphere, everyone working together doing high 5s, meetings rooms and car parks heaving with new hires

It's unbelievable

You can’t be effective working remotely.

But having a whole a-s campus in India is gonna make things more efficient.

Totally makes sense.

They are coming no doubt but I seriously doubt tomorrow. When previous RIFs have occurred the last decade SOMEONE leaks some credible information prior and all the people who chose to deny it’s coming down vote and call them a fear monger.

All that to say… all I’ve seen is people complaining about the company and throwing weak theories out.

I think we’ll all be safe… TOMORROW. Prob not by EOY.

I would like to propose to the Board of Directors that Humana replace the current CEO with an AI version to make all of the big corporate decisions for the company.

The new AI CEO will make great decisions and will work for $0.00 income.

This is a cutting edge move that will grab news headlines and shareholder interest!

Please give it some serious consideration.

Ok so it’s been a sh-t day and days we know. But don’t forget it’s the gleeful townhall tmrw.

What’s you betting on the first words out of any exec.

My bingo card has

• what an exceptional quarter and it’s all thanks to you
• we have you to thank for this
• it’s now time to execute

Agile at f5 isn't dead because it never was there

She says it's because I don't give her enough attention but she doesn't understand core Cisco principles, and that contributing to increased collaboration in the office & increasing shareholder value is my life's purpose.

I asked Circuit if it can help me but produced no helpful results.

I have too much responsibility in the company, I cannot afford to start any later than 8am and finish any later than 6:30pm, that and being on call every weekend, which I cannot miss out on as the company depends on me.

What is the solution to this P1 incident?