Twas the night before RIF-mas, and all through the store, not a salesman was selling, not one through the door. The severance was printed by HR with care, in hopes that the shareholders soon would be there.
The "V-Team" was nestled all stressed in their beds, while visions of metrics danced in their heads; And supervisors anxious, and I in my cap, had just settled down for a restless, short nap,
When out on the network, there rose such a clatter, I sprang from my laptop to see what was the matter. Away to my Outlook I flew like a flash, to see who was cut to save corporate cash.
The glow of the monitor on the newly fallen snow gave a lustre of panic to objects below. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a mass email sent at the end of the year,
With a little old driver, so lively and grand, I knew in a moment 'twas the boss of the Brand. More rapid than 5G his notices came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Retail! Now, Network! Now, Admin and Billing! On, Tech Ops! on, Support! The numbers are chilling! To the end of the quarter! To the side of the wall! Now slash away! Slash away! Slash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with a budget, they mount to the sky; So up to the C-Suite the profits they flew, With a sleigh full of bonuses, and dividends too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the call the prancing and pawing of the Town Hall. As I drew in my head and was turning around, the reduction in force came down with a bound.
He was dressed all in suits, from his head to his foot, and his reputation was covered with ashes and soot; A bundle of pink slips he had flung on his back, and he looked like a reaper just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they shifted! His dimples, how scary! His outlook was bullish, his logic was airy! He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and fired the veterans; then turned with a je-k,
And laying a finger aside of his nose, And hitting "Reply All," up the stock market rose; He sprang to his limo, to his board gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight— "Happy RIF-mas to all, and to all a good night!"
5 replies (most recent on top)
This was lame the first time it was posted this year
It was lame every year it was posted for the last decade.
Get AI to change the words- it's still lame
This is, was and always will be lame.
From the inside of Verizn....
The calm in the ranks has been awesome since the news came out.
Everyone has shifted from back stabbers to quiet.
Most wait and see without much commotion.
Those not doing any work anyway just sit back like always.
Those looking to su-k up put their lips away because doing so now is just too late.
BTW I was already leaving the company and not eligible for any severance thing.
We don't use outlook at verizon just fyi
Bravo 👏👏👏
@OP ha ha that is actually awesome .You definitely have a calling somewhere for something