Dear Team,
After years of paying you to do your jobs, we've discovered that the real problem holding Verizon back from "delighting customers" is.... you! Specifically, 13,000+ of you. Your salaries are apparently the only thing standing between us and becoming "faster, simpler, leaner, and scrappier". We are firing a fifth of our managers so the rest of you can live up to your potential. This isn't a layoff, it's an exciting "reset" and "reorientation" around our sacred mission of delighting customers. Think of it as a HOLIDAY GIFT. 'Tis the season to be overworked as we enter this new era of additional blackout days and longer store hours. If it doesn't ki-l you it will make you stronger which should help you during our next rounds of "promotions to customer". But don't worry, we're putting 20 million in a "reskilling and career transition fund" - that's roughly $1,500 per person which is totally enough to learn to code or become an influencer in this economy. We didn't even notice this was taking place during the holiday season and trust us, it was totally unintentional. Survivors, act grateful, work harder, and remember: the next "reset" is always one bad quarter away. Cheers!
7 replies (most recent on top)
My November quota is NOT delighting me! December is going to be awful
As a shareholder I am thrilled that someone is taking these retail employees to task. Every store I have been in was occupied by arrogant swarmy salespeople looking to sell insurance and needless accessories. The individuals who weren't actively participating in the gift were useless sales management types like those found at a automotive dealership. Good riddance! Hopefully the purge continues next quarter.
Just give me the $1500 and keep your AI training.
Pretty much sums up their actions. Too bad they don't want to delight the employees.
Enjoy your forced so---y with a lubeless cactus. I’m going to have to wipe my sh-t off of that cactus and use it as my Christmas tree now, but at least the shareholders d-mb enough to still own our stock might end the year with a 1% gain on top of their dividends now, they deserve some good news!!
Ahh....AI does the best job in creating slop!
No lies detected.