In an unprecedented turn of corporate events, senior leadership’s aggressive "Operational Synergy & Workforce Optimization" initiative has been abruptly halted after the committee accidentally audited its own calendar invites.
Sources close to the slide deck confirm that after three months of intense offsites, high-level brainstorming dinners, and hiring a boutique consulting firm to calculate the ROI of engineers, executives arrived at an unsettling statistical anomaly:
The people doing the actual work cost significantly less than the people scheduling 90-minute alignment calls to ask why the work isn't done yet.
"We were standardizing our 'Impact vs. Cost' matrix," admitted an anonymous Vice President of Strategic Alignment. "We had the column for base pay, and the column for deliverable output. Then someone accidentally sorted by Total Compensation Descending instead of Headcount Efficiency, and… well, the vibe in the boardroom shifted dramatically."
According to witnesses, the room fell dead silent as leadership realized that eliminating four middle managers who communicate exclusively in corporate aphorisms and forward emails with "thoughts?" would save the company enough budget to keep forty engineers, two full IT desks, and the good single-origin coffee in the breakroom for the next five fiscal quarters.
13 replies (most recent on top)
If you want to know where Verizon is at as a company (since the company is only as good as the people in it) review the comments on this post. The amount of people that can’t recognize satire here is fu--ing nuts.
AVP, Sr Dir, Dir, AD
These posts should be abolished
@cc which org?
Praise the lard & orange HayZeuss at Mar-Lard-O!!!!! I just got a severance!!! My wish has come true!!!
Crickets
@c5 The lack of people posting personal experience that the rebadge and riff is occurring or has occurred or today.
Source?
@OP "The people doing the actual work cost significantly less than the people scheduling 90-minute alignment calls to ask why the work isn't done yet."
Funny but oh so true! In addition the people scheduling the 90-minute alignment calls and sending follow up e-mails get promoted while the people doing the heavy lifting typically don't. It's an upside down world where sending a few emails asking "Is this milestone complete?" is treated as a major achievement but completing the milestones isn't.
@ah unfortunately they might have to find another company which can pay them for doing nothing
Hey RED BRIGADE ! are you know the green brigade ? LOL .... we can see through you ...
@OP what would be happening to the "four middle managers"?
100% AI slop
Nice!