My mgr often pressures and publicly yells at me over deadlines (which by the way were never communicated). Constantly changing project priorities and responsibilities outside my control... I'm pregnant and the stress has become way too much... I can't afford to quit right now. I'm considering escalating to my skip-level manager but I worry it will backfire - any suggestions?
19 replies (most recent on top)
@1ee I did the same in confidence and then they came up with a plan to eliminate me. HR works for them, not you as employee. I am 1yr into new career and it's real life, not this high school-esq nonsense that BNY perpetuates
The best advice I can give you, having been through exactly the same situation at BNY (thank God I'm no longer there!), is to confront it directly. One morning, I asked my manager for a quick five-minute chat in a private room. I told her firmly that the way she spoke to me was unacceptable, that I would no longer tolerate it, and that if it continued, I would report her behaviour towards her staff directly to HR.
I was very assertive, and believe me, it took a lot of courage to do it. But that was the end of it. I never had another issue, and she was actually particularly careful about how she treated me afterwards. It's difficult to stand up for yourself, but absolutely worth it.
@157 DIY
@y3 officially, yes. Unofficially, there’s absolutely retaliation by way of other means that do not meet HR’s standard of retaliatory actions. Think death by a thousand cuts.
@y3 then post the part that applies to this
@x6 fake news!
There is absolutely a no retaliation policy. Go look it up.
@s7 There is no policy that says your actions don't have consequences. Has nothing to do with any "retaliation".
Be sure to save and document everything since bny has a “no retaliation policy”. This way you have a nice record of it should they do anything stupid
There is harassment course on degreed based on location see what you can do
It's just amazing that so many posters think you can sue a company because you hate your boss or your work is difficult.
Escalation to your skip-manager is a very bad idea unless you are sure that the skip-manager hates your manager and needs and excuse to get rid of the manager.
Otherwise, every senior will protect their directs and the correct "chain-of-command". Use an official channel like "ethics" hotline or similar.
Quit being so difficult.
Take detailed notes. Be sure to include dates times and names of witnesses present when each incident occurs. Do it now for the past incidents if you haven't yet. Call a lawyer.
I am so sorry to hear this happening to you. Legally and morally your employer and manager should be supporting you at this time and it is shocking that they are not. Shocking but not unsurprising. This is very much a pattern at bny. I experienced exactly the same over a decade at bny with exemplary records and reviews, then a week after announcing my pregnancy the bullying and harrasment from my boss started. I would advice not going to your skip manager most likely they have identified you as an easy target for constructive dismissal. If you are in the UK, please check out ‘pregnant then sc--wed’ a not for profit legal organisation supporting parents. They helped me navigate the legality of my situation. I did decide to go down the grievance route, but I wouldn’t necessarily advise, 18 months and it’s still not resolved. HR ultimately are working to protect the company. My advise would speak to you doctor and explain the stress it is causing and get signed off sick, your priority is your health and your baby’s. Put yourself first. And please please remember you are not crazy, irrational or bad at your job. This is calculated behaviour from Bny to actively harass vulnerable people.
if you cant sue BNY, sue the manager.
As others have said, do not go to your skip manager. That will backfire is multiple ways. I also know from experience and led to my layoff. See your doctor and document, document, document and keep print outs of any emails or teams conversations.
Suggestion here- Do NOT just play along here.
You are under stress , Constant strain and your health as well As your Baby are in jeopardy due to BNY and this animal of a boss you have. First and foremost talk to your Dr and Maternity care physician IMMEDIATELY. Tell them what is happening and that you feel threatened, Unsafe and it’s affecting your blood pressure and state of well being. Next- file a claim for a paid leave of absence via short term -‘paid’- disability as soon as possible. Depending on your service, it will pay you up to 26 weeks short term. That will give you time to prepare and get away from stress and bad state. At the same time get an attorney and tell them what is going on and get notice served to BNY that you will also be on paid Maternity leave after this mental abuse is rectified. This is an unsafe condition and you cannot play along with a lout.
Do. Not. Put. Up. With. BNY. Abuse!!!
Call an attorney. They will guide you though it so you can hopefully get it documented properly and then sue afterwards. Absolutely do not go to your skip, it always backfires. Good luck. You don't need this place there's better out there waiting for you
It will backfire, I know from experience.
The skip level may make you feel better in the moment, but things will not improve and will actually get much worse as your direct mgr finds more creative ways to target you.
This place is so toxic. My recommendation is to vent here as much as you need. But don’t bother escalating and have generic responses prepared ahead of time since you know what she’s like.
When she says something in public, you can respond that you are listening and understand what she’s saying. You need time to digest/research whatever and will get back to her by end of day.
It’s not worth it. Just play along until the inevitable layoff because we are all going to be on the list at some stage.