(To the tune of "Hotel California" by The Eagles)
Verse 1
On a dark corporate highway, consultants by my side,
HON in her designer gear, just along for the ride.
Up ahead in the distance, I see the market’s decline,
But I’m cruising in my private jet, pretending we’re just fine.
I got McKinsey to guide me, telling me what to do,
But they’re steering us off the cliff, as we lose our shoe.
Then I lit up a Zoom call, and the chat went astray,
Voices rising, questions flying, so we cut it away.
Chorus
Welcome to the Nike Corporation,
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place), in decline we face.
Plenty of room in the Nike Corporation,
Any time of year (any time of year), you can find us here.
Verse 2
JD slashed the retail ties, said DTC’s the way,
Fired thousands of pros who built this place, now we’re starting to pay.
HON’s in her luxury, while sales sink like a stone,
Guess cutting the experts left us all alone.
JD blamed WFH, said, "That’s why we’re in this mess!"
But it’s more his boardroom moves that brought this distress.
From the jet to the boardroom, he spins a new tale,
But under his leadership, Nike's destined to fail.
Chorus
Welcome to the Nike Corporation,
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place), in decline we face.
Plenty of room in the Nike Corporation,
Any time of year (any time of year), you can find us here.
Bridge
Last thing I remember, I was trying to escape,
Looking for the exit from this corporate landscape.
JD’s voice echoed, “We’re on the right track,”
But with every move he makes, we’re slipping further back.
Chorus
Welcome to the Nike Corporation,
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place), in decline we face.
Plenty of room in the Nike Corporation,
Any time of year (any time of year), you can find us here.