What's OK and what's not OK???
24 replies (most recent on top)
Funny with all the No’s. It’s not inappropriate at all unless that relationship creates a conflict. Then it becomes inappropriate. The mere existence of the relationship is not the conflict.
Who wants to be friends with all these worthless managers anyways!!!!
Love wins out every time.
We had a boss that most of us were pretty close with but he got laid off. We used to have team outings/bbq/get together with fams all the time, now never.
I’m glad you put that last sentence in there. The bottom line when hiring is that you absolutely need to have a strong reference or know from experience who you’re hiring. Work ethic is key and also rare. These days any 20 something can present themselves super well but then you hire them and the only thing they ever care about is working from home and taking time off work.
If it’s your direct manager that’s a conflict. You can be friends with someone who you’re not in a reporting line to without problems.
I’ve worked for some managers, director level and above, that had more friendships with subordinates and they favored them by giving more opportunity and promotions. That’s the downside. Of course if you are the friend, it’s great. Typically I’ve seen this be people that have worked together at other orgs. But in fairness I have given opportunity to people I’ve worked with as their work ethic is known.
Go for it. Who cares!!!! Charlie is sleeping with all the Indian men anyways
As long as the two are sleeping together, then it's not inappropriate.
But with no intimacy, it's confusing, and therefore inappropriate.
OP are you saying that executives shouldnt hire friends from competitors?
Depends on what you mean friend/friend. If they're often together outside of work, probably crossing a line that would make it appear inappropriate. If they just get along well and have a lot in common so it "seems" like they're super friendly, probably not. I've had managers that I get along great with even when speaking of non-work related matters, and I've also had managers where I don't, but someone else on my team does. Never really cared. We're all humans. You can't fault two people for getting along better with each other than others do unless that manager is blatantly showing favoritism, which again is difficult to prove. In the case of someone that no one thinks does a good job, but the manager thinks is amazing AND they get along well? Might be a problem. If that person is truly a rockstar and gets along well with the manager? Probably not a problem.
We're all getting downsized anyway, what's the harm.
At one time we had a d-mb a-s survey question of "do you have a best friend at work?" ... Ummm, no, I'm not here for friends! I'm here because I make poor life choices.
its fine even preferred better ratings that way
Post ID: @wct+1nEmOUE3
Why so you feel it it necessary to grab some internet response and paste it here?
Why not? Don't ask all the social bu-terflies here that are afraid to leave their house.
If you have to ask you already know the answer!!!!! DUH! NO!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm confused why this is being asked: Everyone in my line of business has had to fill out the employee relationships attestation once a year for the last two years or so. Are some of you not part of filling out the online relationship attestation forms?
I wonder if anyone has ever banged their manager?
@wct I hope you typed this on company time! LOL
Rule 1: No one at work (especially managers/supervisors) are your friends.
Rule 2: See rule one.
@hmb lol
i was reminded by a discussion with a friend why, as a manager, you should be cautious about the relations you develop with the people in your team…
since the day i started to have people “reporting to me”, i have felt weird about the hierarchical nature of the relation it creates. this is probably rooted in some form of an imposter/inferiority syndrome, which evolved into the underlying philosophy of my early management style. to this day, i hate considering that switching to management is a promotion, because it’s just a different function.
i feel uncomfortable when people in a team are referred to as “under” their manager, due to the suggested superiority/inferiority it creates. the lingo of management is full of these concepts, fundamentally based on hierarchy (in which what is higher is more important), paternalism (the boss knows better than you and will tell you what), property (“it is my team”, which can be quite twisted when you talk about a group of people) and dehumanization (humans are not resources).
as a result i had been over-compensating in the early years of my management career, trying to distance myself from this view, because i certainly didn’t feel like i was any better than people in “my” team. i was desperately trying to prove that i didn’t feel superior, wrapping feedback in all sorts of caveats (or worse keeping it for myself), trying to give as much autonomy as was imaginable, never telling people what to do, not forcing people to do things in a way they didn’t like, pulling as much sh-t as i can so that they wouldn’t have to do it, putting me at their level, oversharing, and worst of all, being their friends…
this behavior has positive effects, especially when the usual manager is the opposite of that. autonomy, vulnerability, considering the human side and personal preferences, not thinking of yourself as smarter, tolerating failure, having fun, they’re all essential management traits. and being a basic, fallible human being makes a world of difference. this behavior is not an issue as long as things are going well, and people in your team are good.
but the day things go sideways, it backfires in an explosive way. because at the end of the day, as a manager, you will have to deal with sh-t situations. you will have to give feedback that the receiver doesn’t want (but needs to hear). you will have to ask someone to shutup and do it anyways. you will have to not promote/give a raise to someone and tell them why. you will have to fire someone who under-performs. you will have to distribute some of the blame. and worst of all, as is happening to the friend i mentioned, you will have to lay-off people who don’t deserve it, just because the company says so.
good luck doing that if every one in your team is your buddy... i learned it the hard way, the first time i had to fire someone.
there is a balance to be achieved between being a frigid, all-knowing dictator, and the janitorial team servant who also doubles as party-buddy / best-friend. you can remain human, have fun and crack a joke, while not being a friend.
you can prioritize other people’s opinion and remain decisive. you can be personable and bring your personality at work, yet set limits and remain professional. you can be vulnerable but still respected. you can provide hard feedback and still care at a personal level.
you also need to come into terms that in the end, if the bucks stops with you, you carry more responsibility than people in your team, and as a result have some power they don’t have.
beyond that, there will come a day where you have to do something to someone that you do not want to do at a personal level. to make that easier, you need to keep some distance with the folks you manage.
Who the heck would want to be friends with a manager at Wells Fargo??