Good riddance and bon voyage to everyone fired and officially kicked-off the IBM payroll in any shape, form or manner today. It has been quite a journey, but I’m sure IBM will somehow manage to find a way to continue functioning without all of you.
Honestly, I’m excited for the next chapter: pretending like you never existed, forgetting your names, forgetting the projects you worked on, and acting like none of your contributions ever happened. After all, that seems to be the preferred corporate tradition around here.
Please don’t take it personally. Once you’re off the payroll, you apparently become yesterday’s problem and eventually, yesterday’s memory.
I’m sure the leadership team will proudly explain how this is all part of the strategy, how the organization is “positioned for the future,” and how the people leaving were somehow conveniently no longer critical to the business.
So farewell, former colleagues. Thank you for your service, your late nights, your projects, your knowledge, and all those years of pretending that any of this mattered.
Now that you’re gone, please understand that we will immediately begin the difficult process of pretending we never knew you.
Good luck out there. And remember: IBM may forget you and you won’t be welcome back.