Paying $385 an hour, I learned a concept called Radical Acceptance. It means completely accepting reality as it is in the present moment, without trying to fight it, judge it, or wish it were different. Whatever you experience with this company, no matter your status, whether you've been displaced, terminated, or are going through the performance management process, accept the truth. The truth is, this is a sh-t company doing sh---y things to its employees. You can't change anything; you just have to accept the truth. That's the world, and that's life. Period.
All you can do is either do your job happily or find another one.
That's the wisdom of modern psychology.
I wish this could help anyone here who is going through what I'm going through.
Peace and love
13 replies (most recent on top)
hank you for posting this. I'm in the same boat.
The radical acceptance part is real and I needed to hear it. The "you're not crazy, this is what's happening" piece — that alone is worth more than the $385/hr session.
I'll add one thing though, because I think it matters: acceptance isn't the end of the road. It's the starting point. You accept the truth so you can stop wasting your energy fighting it, and then you use that energy to do the actual thing — document, plan your exit, protect your health, find the next one.
The anger in your post is justified. You don't have to soften it to be "peaceful." You can hold "this is a sh---y company doing sh---y things" and "I'm going to take care of myself now" at the same time. Both are true.
Holding space for everyone still in the performance management process. That's the part nobody talks about — the slow grind of being managed out while you're still showing up every day. You don't owe them your peace.
Peace and love back.
@ew doesn’t AA also have “take what you need and leave the rest”? Seems to apply here.
Op thank you. Seriously. You found something that was meaningful to you and worked for you and you tried to share it. Not sure why so many are dumping on you. If it does not work for them they could ignore it. Accepting reality is never going to go over well with this crowd. But its important. But you always change the world around you. You don't control it. You don't dictate it. But what you do or or don't do make it better or worse.
You've cited some new-age woo which, in your mind, because it has a name (Radical Acceptance) all of a sudden it's some kind of inviolable dogma, some kind of fundamental truth to set your compass to.
The world is not indifferent to you and can be changed by you. You might need to bend the ear of activist investors, or investigative journalists, or the customerbase.
Accepting that you can't change something doesn't mean you should give up completely either. Adjusting expectations and changing your approach can go a long way to finding success in some capacity at least.
If I followed your advice, I'd be a lot worse off and out a lot of money otherwise.
To every employee reading this, don't fall for OP's doomerism. Hold your leaders accountable and play the game while you work towards something else.
@bv "Capitalism produces conditions of insecurity and alienation"
Wheras socialism produces poverty and breadlines.
And you work for a bank? lmao, no wonder you are unhappy.
You paid $385 an hour for advice you should have learned at a middle school lunch table? That is not a flex.
Personally I blame the public schools and teachers unions that coddled you.
- God, grant me the serenityTo accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I can,And the wisdom to know the difference. *
@OP
Congratulations.
You really paid $385/hr to learn what most of us already know. Sorry, but it's true.
Let me quote you here so it really sinks in.
"You can't change anything; you just have to accept the truth. That's the world, and that's life. Period."
If that statement doesn't deserve a proverbial mic drop I don't know what does.
I approach it more like:
Instead of “the workplace ought to change,” the demand quietly becomes “How do I drop quality and/or quantity of my output while finding plausible ways to waste resources, to help regain balance after that sh---y thing WF just did.”
Byung-Chul Han would point out the therapeutic language turns external domination into self-management. The task becomes regulating your emotional response so that you can continue functioning. Instead of “the workplace ought to change,” the demand quietly becomes “I need to become psychologically capable of enduring the workplace.”
The great irony here is you paying $385/hr. Capitalism produces conditions of insecurity and alienation, and then there is a market selling individuals techniques for managing the psychological consequences.
Ever hear of the WDNC (We do not care club)? Check it out. Its one way of coping with a psychologically abusive environment you can not change.
All employees take on the personality of the leaders. With smarmy no talent silver spooned Chuck and his flunkies, that means lying and backstabbing. I’d hoped he’d have nut cancer by now. Worthless fu-k. Bill Daley too - corrupt d-mb cheater.
Fu-k them both. In the a-s.
Apparently, Wells Fargo has discovered the ultimate corporate innovation: why pay U.S. employees a competitive salary when you can move the jobs overseas, dramatically cut labor costs, and call it “strategic transformation”?
The math is beautifully simple. Pay a fraction of the U.S. cost, demand significantly longer hours, throw in weekends, add a healthy dose of management pressure, and voilà—record-breaking “efficiency.” Who needs sustainable staffing, employee morale, or work-life balance when the spreadsheet is happy?
And of course, nothing says “great leadership” quite like East Indian managers screaming at employees, threatening their jobs, and expecting people to work 12 hours a day, seven days a week. Apparently, “employee engagement” has been redefined as “how much pressure can you tolerate before quitting.”
Meanwhile, U.S. employees are told there’s no longer enough work, budgets are tight, and positions have to be eliminated. Funny how “cost optimization” somehow always seems to find the employees sitting in the higher-cost country.
Let’s not pretend this is complicated economics. If a U.S. employee costs 4–5 times more, moving the work offshore creates enormous savings. That’s the business case. Everything else is corporate wallpaper.
Quality? Supposedly important.
Communication? Supposedly important.
Employee experience? Absolutely important—right up until the finance department opens Excel.
I’m not saying outsourcing is inherently wrong. I’m saying let’s at least be honest about what’s happening. This isn’t some magical transformation of the technology organization. It’s a labor-arbitrage strategy dressed up in corporate buzzwords.
And if Wells Fargo eventually realizes that replacing experienced U.S. engineers with cheaper labor has consequences, I’m sure there will be a PowerPoint presentation explaining why nobody could have possibly predicted it.
Because apparently, the only thing cheaper than offshore labor is the value Wells Fargo places on the people doing the work in the U.S.