Me: gets up from the shared desk in my newly minted neighborhood location for a bathroom break at the nearest neighborhood bathroom, then on to the watercooler to chat... you know, once an hour or whatever
Site Leader: "Excuse me, sir. Is there a reason you're not at your desk?"
Me: "I need to use the restroom and then I was going to chat at the watercooler"
Site Leader: "Okayyyy, well, Just a friendly reminder to make sure your restroom visit does not exceed 5 minutes. Also, your watercooler chat should not exceed more than 5 minutes. Please refrain from discussing politics, religion, sports, personal topics, the weather and anything bad about Wells Fargo. Also do remember to log ALL of this in STAMP so that your hours are properly accounted for. If you exceed the allotted times as mandated, you will be reprimanded. The first offense is a warning. The second offense is required training on workplace etiquette and a course on "How to best use your time in the office." The third offense you will be written up and potentially terminated"
Me: "Sorry, I missed everything you said except not being able to talk about the weather because I really have to use the restroom? But thanks and I'll keep everything you said in mind. By the way, it's a beautiful day outside - not too sunny and not too cloudy!"