The Engineers: I can build this prototype, write code and solve this problem in an hour. It's a cool idea and would love to show you something working.
The middlemen: ( aka SDs, PMs and directors) : My engineer friend and colleague , we know you can do it, but we have 15 middlemen who also need to justify their existence and lord over the 2 or 3 hands-on engineers we have. Lets start with a 3 month long planning process (mind you - for a task that takes an hour to do), write tickets, Jira, confluence, ceremonies and lets not forget all the daily corporate catering along the way. This is hard work - writing long epics, stories and sagas about trivial tasks takes a lot of brainpower.
As SDs and Directors in tech functions, this also gives us leverage on product teams trying to deliver and ship real experiences and products for consumers. We can hold them up, drain their budgets, grow our empires and play turf wars are well.
Accountability? - What's that - never heard of that term here before, you must be new. It's all about self preservation and enjoying the good life ( spring break, summer hours, wellness week, thanksgiving, Christmas and the umpteen dim the light and keep the lights on cycles through the year).
And Oh wait, did you write the one pager and then the six pager for the project you said will take an hour to do?
See my engineer friend - your time estimate is all wrong. This will take 30 people and at least 1 yr to deliver. Let's call a planning meeting and create an estimate. Also setup a daily recurring every morning where you can hear all about how my evening went for the first 15 minutes and I will give you 5 minutes to talk during which I will be on my phone, iPad and laptop all at once - being a leader is all about multitasking and operating at least 3 screens, gossiping on slack, posting giphys and listening to your technical blah. Don't forget to give someone (me) a kudos and then last 5 minutes are for me to give my pearls of wisdom before ending the meeting. We should also end the meeting 5 minutes sooner because it takes us 10 minutes to figure out zoom and gossip between meetings. We are amazing planners around here.
And don't talk to the other teams directly or tell them that it takes only an hour to implement. We will hold you accountable for miscommunication and let them know that as an engineer you don't understand the "business" side. It will reflect badly on your annual review as well if you meet anyone without your handler ( which is us - the middlemen)
Also if you are he-l bent on writing the 3 lines of code, make sure your create a PR and include all 15 of us on it for review