Say something funny, we need it
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Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, Jack, who was about to testify in his own defense.
"You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"
The client replied that he did.
Then lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
Jack looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
I wet myself reading these! They weren't funny, I'm just incontinent..........
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever...
You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.
My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him ‘Don’t be Sicily’
When Mary's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
A man shopping in an antique store picks up a lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says, " Congratulations! You may have one wish.". The man thinks for a moment and says" You know, I have always wanted to visit Hawaii, but I am scared to death of airplanes. I wish for you to build a highway so that I can drive to Hawaii!" The genie looked at the man in astonishment and sad " Do you have any idea what that entails? That water is thousands of feet deep. There are strong currents and severe storms. There would be no way to provide fuel for the cars. The environmental impact would be huge! I'm sorry, but even we genies have our limitations. Please wish for something else." The man thought for a moment and said. "OK. I wish that I understood women!". The genie paused and then replied, "Do you want that highway to have two lanes or four?"
Also in Socle news, MH has finally just given up on weight loss. Why should he give a shit about how he looks? He doesn't give a shit about anything else, and besides, TP will still love him. Their canoodling is becoming epic, and more and more obvious.
DS in Socle let out a massive fart in the break room this morning. He looked sheepish and then scurried away. Nerves causing indigestion?
No profanity please, they will delete the thread