A hot lady from HR will whisper it into your ears so softly that you will get mesmerized in a romantic way
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a drone delivered mine :)
PJ will be walking the halls in each of the buildings with a gardening shear followed by note takers and beefy brinks security guards. As he passes each office door, the shear will either be manipulated, or not. By the time you actually hear the sound of those steely blades, it will be too late for you; the guards will have strapped you into the robotic wheelchair (PJ/MG love worthless gizmos) and you will be hauled out the building while various robotic toys track your every gesture for signs of discontentment. Each sign of non-conformance will be sensed and punished with a reduction of your severance package.
So what of these note takers? Well, they don't really do anything. The note takers were once productive engineers but now are actually Sr VPs who serve no useful purpose other than to administratively serve the ones they follow down those dark hallways.
The cupcake you receive at your exit interview is a courtesy of PJ and SM, thanking you for all your hard work. The number on the frosting will be the years of your selfless service. They would present it in person, but they tied up with their investment advisers on what to do with all their stock options.
They post on your timeline on Facebook.
Hey! WE never got no stinkin' cakes in Silicon Valley!
The HR will call you (Mr. John) for a meeting in a conference room next to you. As you walk in, you will see the room decorated beautifully and you will notice a cake that is kept at the center of the table. The cake has a lot of icing on it and it reads 'Happy Birthday John!" on the top. The HR manager and your manager will sing a Birthday song for you, and you will say - "Today isn't my birthday.." and the HR will say - "we know it but we want to make it memorable for you"
As you think it is a great gesture, your manager will say how you will be freed from QC as of today and hand to you the package. When you open the package, you will notice the last line of the document will say minus $35, to which you would ask "I understand the package, but why is this $35 deduction?"...The HR will say - "that's for the cake Mr. John, but don't worry it actually costs $70, but the company has paid $35 for you and you will only pay half". With that said, you will be escorted out by people that look twice the size of NFL players to give you the grand exit. hope this helps.
Check your Facebook for notification. "Like" it for acknowledgment. No "comment" is necessary and is actually discouraged.
I like cupcakes.
Anonymous150921 is correct. You come to work and find your badge doesn't work. You can't get into the building. You walk back to the parking lot confused and see all your belongings in a box on the curb. And there will be a cupcake on top of your packing boxes.
Your badge won't work anymore. Keep your keys and wallet in your pockets
HR will ask you to bend over, and so, please remember to bring some Vaseline.
In the past they typically set up a conference room. Send you and your boys an invite. Your boys tells you your positron is being eliminated i.e. given to an H-1B. He asked if you have any questions, then leaves. HR then goes over you severance package and tells you to look for a job for the remainder of your tenure. Also, Did you know that HR and management are conceived through anal sex. I asked my doctor.
There will be no notice, HR will send you either text or update via instagram.