SAP has just announced that the New Graduate breath mint allowance has been slashed by 50%! This means that employees under 26 years old will now be reimbursed a maximum of $500 per month.
There has been an immense outpouring of anger at this decision. This anger spilled over into a recent all-hands call, during which employees stressed the need for immaculately fresh breath when collaborating with colleagues, networking and breathing in the SAP Culture. Julia White smiled a lot, mumbled some nonsensical words about AI and then presented a (Very much non-AI) branded powerpoint deck to demonstrate that our younger team members can ration their breath mints for in-office days only!
Christian Klein’s sage advice was “Just do not eat garlic and the allowance will be enough to keep your breath fresh”. Scott Russell opined something that was designed to be vaguely inspiring and uplifting; As to be expected (And as usual), this fell very flat!
Shares of Mars Wrigley, owner of the Altoids brand, dipped 5% on this news. A restructuring of the Altoids division is ezpected soon.