ATTN AT&T employees: your captain has determined that due to his incompetent leadership this ship has hit a giant iceberg and is slowly sinking. To slow the sinking, many of you have been chosen to be thrown overboard.
But rest assured, during these tough times our top leadership team has been provided with enough gold plated lifeboats to ensure their safety and our heroic captain has been allocated a $3,300,000 per year retirement in return for his brave service to the company.