http://www.satirewire.com/news/att.shtml
Good read, even though it’s satire and it’s about the old AT&T (the bankrupt one), it sure seems to fall in line with the way senior management thinks today!
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Tech Dev Operations outsourced to IBM are very secure with their jobs, best move ever.
Sounds like a piece right out of the Onion I Remember those dark days well. Almost seems like it’s coming full circle again.
History does seem to be repeating with many parallels to experiences at the old AT&T. However you are incorrect when you state that the old AT&T went bankrupt. Not only did it NOT go bankrupt, it remained profitable despite falling revenues. The feat was accomplished with relentless and massive layoffs from 1995 until the SBC takeover. Core assets were sold off and leased back. Notably all executive perks and privileges were maintained and enhanced throughout the carnage.
Don’t know whether to laugh or cry!!! Thanks for the laugh though!
Fits today perfectly.
Even though this is satire, it almost seems like history is repeating itself. Old AT&T laid off all of its employees and put contractors in charge and they then went belly up. This article is almost 29 years old but it applies to today as well.
NEW YORK, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) — AT&T will reduce its workforce by an unprecedented 120 percent by the end of 2001, believed to be the first time a major corporation has laid off more employees than it actually has.
AT&T stock soared more than 12 points on the news.
The reduction decision, announced Wednesday, came after a year-long internal review of cost-cutting procedures, said AT&T Chairman C. Michael Armstrong. The initial report concluded the company would save $1.2 billion by eliminating 20 percent of its 108,000 employees.
Employee Reduction Plan
From there, said Armstrong, "it didn't take a genius to figure out that if we cut 40 percent of our workforce, we'd save $2.4 billion, and if we cut 100 percent of our workforce, we'd save $6 billion. But then we thought, why stop there? Let's cut another 20 percent and save $7 billion.
"We believe in increasing shareholder value, and we believe that by decreasing expenditures, we enhance our competitive cost position and our bottom line," he added.
AT&T plans to achieve the 100 percent internal reduction through layoffs, attrition and early retirement packages. To achieve the 20 percent in external reductions, the company plans to involuntarily downsize 22,000 non-AT&T employees who presently work for other companies.
"We pretty much picked them out of a hat," said Armstrong.
Among firms AT&T has picked as "External Reduction Targets," or ERTs, are Quaker Oats, AMR Corporation, parent of American Airlines, Callaway Golf, and Charles Schwab & Co. AT&T's plan presents a "win-win" for the company and ERTs, said Armstrong, as any savings by ERTs would be passed on to AT&T, while the ERTs themselves would benefit by the increase in stock price that usually accompanies personnel cutback announcements.
"We're also hoping that since, over the years, we've been really helpful to a lot of companies, they'll do this for us kind of as a favor," said Armstrong.
Legally, pink slips sent out by AT&T would have no standing at ERTs unless those companies agreed. While executives at ERTs declined to comment, employees at those companies said they were not inclined to cooperate.
"This is ridiculous. I don't work for AT&T. They can't fire me," said Kaili Blackburn, a flight attendant with American Airlines.
Reactions like that, replied Armstrong, "are not very sporting."
Inspiration for AT&T's plan came from previous cutback initiatives, said company officials. In January of 1998, for instance, the company announced it would trim 18,000 jobs over two years. However, just a year later, AT&T said it had already reached its quota. "We were quite surprised at the number of employees willing to leave AT&T in such a hurry, and we decided to build on that," Armstrong said.
Analysts credited Armstrong's short-term vision, noting that the announcement had the desired effect of immediately increasing AT&T share value. However, the long-term ramifications could be detrimental, said Bear Stearns analyst Beldon McInty.
"It's a little early to tell, but by eliminating all its employees, AT&T may jeopardize its market position and could, at least theoretically, cease to exist," said McInty.
Armstrong, however, urged patience: "To my knowledge, this hasn't been done before, so let's just wait and see what happens."
Follow-up: AT&T CEASES TO EXIST