Four Schwabbies get into a car. The car won’t start.
Director: We should reduce headcount.
Manager: It just needs a coaching memo.
HR: Have you tried asking it to start?
NSD: Let's all get out of the car and get back in.
25 replies (most recent on top)
FC- I don't have time for this send it to CAT.
Walt: Let's tell them there's no plan to start the car even though I've been secretly planning it for months. Who cares about employee morale I'm rich bi---h
Finance: oops we overspent.. give bonuses to EC and announce a mass layoff on Oct 31 2025.
Marketing: We have a car where you can own your and your neighbors tomorrow! We just need 4 people.
CRE;: Did you see the sign? Cars are not approved for this area.
McKinsey: Modernize. Sell all cars and hire Employees who can fly. We have a case study of a similar Firm from MARS and they were able to reduce the expense by half.
EC new Memo: Effective immediately all non managerial hiring should include mandatory skill of flying. Existing employees have six months of time to learn this new skill.
HR: Can we send the Glint survey already.
A low level employee suggested that the leadership team turn the key that is in the ignition. That employee has been terminated for insubordination. We should just lay off a few hundred people until a solution is found.
Vendor management- let’s put a contract together for payment terms on the car, but if you want new tires or gas, those will be other contacts and governance review.
Oh you want more than one driver? We have amend
Brand new service employee, first day out of training: Um, I don't mean to interrupt but I found these keys here by the tire.
All the good ones are already taken. :(
Legal: We've filed a lawsuit against the car.
@a5 this deserves way more than one upvote.
IT: The engine was uploaded to the cloud and works fine, must be user error.
Client Experience: We believe the car needs to be tan.
@aw
Accounts payable has entered the chat: Hold my beer.
@aw Truth! 100%
Product Owner: We've decided to switch cars. I know everyone's used to a left-hand-drive automatic, but we're importing a new model that's far more cost effective. There's no insurance premiums, but it's right-hand-drive and the transmission's manual. Who's the vendor? Yugo.
We'll be taking the tires off the wheels of the existing car by EOY, do you think you can get them onto our new vehicle before then?
EC: We can get Boston Consulting Company to advice!
OFFSHORE: LETS ADD 8 RESOURCES ON THE TOP OF THE CAR
we give you 2 free to put in the trunk and then 2 more free to put in the hood to monitor.
EC here. Where are my updates. We need to add a new executive leader in this team.
Can we have a PM assigned to this project?
Compliance approaches: Seems risky. Why are you in a car when you can walk.
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
Let’s setup a new meeting series to meet on this issue at least weekly.
STS: Roll back the update from last night and add another layer of QA.