Scene One: Tesla, 2018.
Doug’s big debut! The Model 3 production ramp. Picture it: robots dancing, parts flying, Musk sleeping on the factory floor. Meanwhile, Doug’s like, “Uh, this automation thing… is hard.”
Result? Elon yanks the wheel, drives the company into profitability like it’s a video game. Doug? “I'm gonna go find myself” takes a leave of absence... and spoiler alert: he never comes back! Exit stage left, chased by a robot arm.
Scene Two: Apple. Project Titan.
Oooo, the secret Apple car! Doug’s back, baby! He's leading a whisper campaign with LIDAR and leather seats. Five years later? No car. No prototype. Just a massive graveyard of NDA'd partnerships. BMW walked. Hyundai ghosted.
And Apple? They pulled the plug like “Siri, cancel that $10 billion mistake.”
Doug? Out the back door in silence. Like a magician whose dove flew away before the trick.
Scene Three: Ford, 2021.
Now THIS time, Doug says: “I got it, I swear!”
Enter FNV4, Ford’s next-gen EV brain, meant to challenge Tesla’s software game. Oooooh baby, we’re building zonal architecture, digital nirvana!
...Two years later? Zero cars, $10 billion vanished, and the only thing driving is Doug’s career… off a cliff.
Ford’s like: “Sooo... we’re gonna just use the old system and pretend this never happened, okay?”
At least and give it up for these companies Tesla and Apple fired his a-s. Ford? They're still letting him wander the halls like the ghost of R&D past.
So there you have it:
Doug “Pink Slippers” Field the Zelig of billion-dollar tech flops! A triple threat of tech misfires, the Benjamin Button of unfinished business.
And remember, kids… if you fail three times at EV launches, maybe just maybe it’s time to try something with wheels that actually move.
Good night! Try the over-engineered fish, tip your autonomous valet