I’m reaching a breaking point with my manager’s behavior. He continues to make inappropriate touching, comments and requests, despite knowing that I’m married(he is divorced). His conduct is unprofessional and unwanted, and it has created a very uncomfortable work environment. I’ve considered reporting it to HR, but I’m concerned about potential retaliation or my work situation becoming even more difficult. Has anyone at EM dealt with a similar situation, and how did you navigate it?
50 replies (most recent on top)
@OP Have you tried reporting this to their managers? I think if they don't have a friendship maybe they investigate but not sure
There’s this womanizer manager in our department ,he’s infamous for his constant flirting. During a poster session, he walked up to a poster presented by a woman and started chatting her up, even suggesting she should “=transfer to his section” based on her" work". But after the session, she casually mentioned something about her wife, and the look on his face was priceless. Watching his disappointment was honestly the highlight of the day.
I reported a threat to HR. A very senior manager called my boss and instructed him to tell me to retract my complaint and start found damage control to salvage my career.
Do not trust HR to be on your side, even if you are completely correct.
If you have enough evidence, I would not waste it on an HR “investigation.” I would directly go to a lawyer and a contingency case so you won’t waste money. Just so you know, normally upon winning they take at least 40% of the settlement. And as you know, the case will be public. Unfortunately, XOM has an army of lawyers and it’s hard to beat them.
this reminded me of my second line supervisor who skipped 101x 1:1 with the team but we always see him talking to finance or HR with smileys and cute emojis (his zoom always popped up the notifications). I guess it helps when you are attractive. Su-ks to be under him. Yes this is in AP
@ah more like give them a chance to harm you more. XOM services are not for employees they are for management/ company.
@ajy I agree. At ExxonMobil promotes the women who mirror the men in leadership. At the same time, pretty women who are simply confident, visible, or well‑liked can end up receiving more unwanted attention, harassment and inappropriate behavior.
Lots of creeps at exxon. In Upstream there are lots of pervs. Many weird acting supervisors and managers. They have no charisma or tact. One fine gentlemen would sit on the blondes desk and talk to her only. One woman went to hr and got a promotion because of the unwanted attention. The good looking women have it made at exxon. One supervisor hottie would attract all the makes in a twenty foot radius. He-l even the normal looking girls would attract men. I would video tape it and use it as evidence against exxon.
Start wearing a recording device and contact an attorney. Do not contact HR.
Make it viral on reddit
Do not share details of your situation with anyone in company not even HR.
Get a lawyer first so you have solid ground. HR won’t do anything g if you don’t threaten to do something. They will bury the story and bury you without a lawyer.
sweet juice. Just when I thought Singapore was a mess especially in the chemical plant
@a7 Correct. Hotline is HR.
Talking to HR means end of your career with compaby. XOM HR is in south america.And I assure you robots have more emotions than those loosers.
There was an energetic, kind woman in our department. Really fun to work with. Unfortunately, her pervert manager repeatedly harassed her. Over time, she started working from home more and more, until eventually she left the company altogether.
@OP I had a manager who kept hugging me without any reason. I told him this whole thing made me uncomfortable, and he stopped, but he made the work environment miserable for me. I reported the situation to his manager, who was female, and I later learned there was a personal relationship between them. Following that, my performance rating dropped to ‘NI’ that year I recovered eventually but let go in pandemic....
@OP Unfortunately, lack of ethics is bold in XOM culture. HR will do nothing to solve this for you only makes it worse.
Nailing the hot young help was considered good sport 30 years ago. Simply document what you're talking about and get a nice settlement. Piece of cake.
DW was know for screaming at the process operators at Joliet and fired several people
@dz, the thread was about harassment, not work stress. If you have the goods on DW, bring it. But you don’t. Never happened.
@eh Sometimes the offender is relatively low in the hierarchy and poses an organizational threat in other ways. In cases like this, upper management will often terminate the offender, or at least remove them from a position of power.
As a (married) guy who was harassed by my (married) woman boss, I have a lot of empathy for the OP and other women who go through this. I won’t hijack the thread by going into details, but I do hope that all of you who experienced harassment get justice, or at least peace of mind.
@eh there was a regional director that you to grab your shoulders all the time. It was weird especially when they didn’t to women. They stopped it during Covid thank goodness.
@eg True. The company overlooks/promotes unethical behavior unless it becomes highly visible or publicly damaging, and only then does leadership feel compelled to act.
You need evidence and witnesses and even then good luck. If it is your word against his nothing will be done.
@bw heard stories of DW in early career making people cry, didn’t impact him. The place is corrupt
So unfortunate. Seek advice from an attorney (one that doesn't work for EM).
@OP I reported my manager for abusive comments and hostile work environment in November 2025. I check the case status it says high priority with the name of the person in HR. Nothing and nothing....EM HR is corrupt. I will say try to have your 1:1s in public areas do not huddle rooms and if you can transfer to another team. This creep is in management role and super protected.
I’ve seen situations where a manager targets one individual, and others — out of fear or a desire to be rewarded — go along with it. They align themselves with the manager, even if it makes the targeted person’s experience miserable. It’s disappointing, but some people choose self‑preservation over integrity. So do not trust your teammates and do not share this experience with them.
Many abusive hipos out there who are treated like royalty by the company. It takes a special kind of person to make grown adults cry in meetings but I have seen it happen multiple times. Hostile work environment is encouraged.
@OP Many years ago in Fairfax office we had this abusive manager. Many of his direct reports reported him to HR because of harassment, hostility, rude attitude....he had to take some trainings and that's all kept going up the latter and got his retirement. HR people are the most heatless people and the worst part of each company. Hopefully they will be replaced by AI soon!
Always remember, HR is not your friend. They like lawyers are planted to protect the mgmt. and the company and not employees.
@OP I see a lot of comments telling you to basically roll over for this and move on.
I think you should stand your ground.
Document everything, keep all communication in writing (especially with HR), and seek out a licensed attorney. Do not take legal advice from this board or the internet in general.
Also, look into filing a formal complaint with the DoL (assuming you’re in the U.S.)
Don’t discuss or confide to your colleagues. Management will more than likely close ranks around this creep, and HR will shake down the members of your team to get any dirt they can use against you.
Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.
If you have an HR issue you really only have two options
- Leave the company
- Hire a lawyer to protect your interests
Option 2 is risky and may just end up costing you a lot of money with no success at the end. Sadly HR only protects the company. They will even tell you this if you ask. They have no mandate to look out for your interests only the company.
I don’t know of a single person who has gone to HR and not regretted it.
How do you think Mr La Quinta got away with his behavior for so long? They protect their own. Good luck. Best advice is to find a new job.
@OP I’m really sorry you’re going through this — I’ve been in a similar situation. In my case, it involved the EMTECH capability manager (white male, mid‑40s), and the experience made my work life extremely difficult. I reported the behavior through the hotline and received a call back from someone who said they were with EM HR regarding my report. I also spoke with another, more experienced manager who told me that HR often won’t take action when the person involved is part of management, because management is seen as representing the company.
HR asked me for evidence and witnesses, but no one was willing to come forward — and I completely understood why. Because I couldn’t provide proof, the case was closed, and my manager made things even more uncomfortable afterward. I was fortunate to eventually transfer to another group.
To make things worse, this same manager reported one of his own direct reports to HR for ‘retaliation’ simply because the employee asked for the reason he was being put on a PIP. HR required the employee to complete training and labeled it misconduct.
Get evidence I know an employee that reported her boss and there was not enough evidence. The case was closed but she was piped a few years later. Exxon says they bis no retaliation but there always is. Have an exit strategy in case it goes south. Record the bast ard and sue the sheet out of exxon. In Baytown they caught a female technician sc--wing a manager. The technician was fired and the manager was transfered. Dont trust your co workers to testify for you as they are all scared and will turn on you.
I have seen the company do crazy things to protect hipos. In downstream they fired an entire cleaning company because a hipo harassed a cleaning lady at night. Their answer was to cancel the contract with the cleaning company.
@a5 the anonymous hotline and thir so called investigations are worthless. Reported thefts and bribes and nothing was done