- Meeting kicked off with a game of "Pin the Layoff on the Team"
- PepsiCo's updated slogan: "Is Pepsi okay? No really, we're actually asking."
- Strategy brainstorming outsourced to a kindergarten class in Hyderabad
- Discovered the "PEP" in Pepsi stands for "Perpetually Exhausted People"
- Athina leaving podcast for new TV show, "Transforming with the Stars" where executives tap-dance around tough questions.
- Meeting interrupted by a vending machine falling through the ceiling
- The company's five-year plan is just a Post-it note that says "Figure it out later."
- New corporate anthem: "99 Bottles of Pepsi on the Wall (Because No One's Buying Them)"
- Athina revolutionary analytics tool revealed: a Magic 8-Ball with "restructure" written on every side.
- Discovered we've been accidentally making Coca-Cola this whole time... and it's outselling Pepsi.