I posted this as satire in 2020 based of the endless layoff announcements from hyper wealthy tech companies. Sadly nothing changed and my satire was horrifyingly accurate for Q3-Q4 2021
Everyone is smiling, wealthy, and happy making the world a better place, by promoting their own ideologies. Add an extra heaping serving of toxic positivity when evil decisions are made.
Every Tech CEO the last 3 months....
To my Salesforce family.
To my Facebook family.
To my Uber family.
To my google family.
Very saddened by the news of separations, exits, impacted, displaced, (you mean layoffs jerk!) today after our headcount rationalization 2020 process. We announced working from home indefinitely for 2020 (getting high 5 front page news) (wow best company ever!) (they let me move to lake8statesaway and keep my 200k job wow) thinking the impacts of Covid would be short lived (no you didn’t) we made tough decisions initially to furlough specific positions (you mean people you didn’t like) thinking they would promptly come back. (We made no mention of eliminating all the personnel who maintained our campuses for 20 years because they are just contracted losers right, now back to the workers that matter only a little more)
So sorry you young tech workers just got your $200,000 student loans due after your short lived high flying Bay Area tech career my buddy Ralph McKinsey convinced me to offshore all of your jobs to Mumbai, and Hyderabad because....well that’s what he did.
I’m sure when you told your parents and friends OMG I got hired by google,uber,postmates,salesforce starting at $180,000 OMG you had no idea we would convince you you can sell your home in 2020 and move to the mid west because your job is safe forever (we meant 6 months) and by the time you paint that last bedroom for the new baby on the way you can start immediately training your new offshore replacement at InfoSys)
Remember, Ohana baby! Ohana! Hope you land on your feet soon in the worst job market since the civil war....... just be happy you didn’t lose a leg buddy and keep that chin up. Keep grinding and things will work out, they always do...
Marc Cashington IV
#Family4Ever #IndianJobs #Thanks4Everything #HireMoreVicePresidentsOfGrowthFormulatingStrategyOfTheDigitalScrumBloat