Original ad:
IBM is a leader in global misrepresentation. There is no better place to end or even reverse your career. World-class downsizing opportunities, infighting and a totally rigid work environment await you.
You will find a wealth of things to complain about within IBM. You will become disallusioned in ways you’ve never imagined.
Are you interested in helping your bosses with their careers? Apply today!
NEGATIVE GROWTH
Our goal is to make you feel unessential so we can pay you less - and it starts with our ever-declining revenues. Company wide, we laid off our 50% of our internal talent strategy team with an initiative called "Go Away". With another 50% to lay off, our future is bright.
At our core, we are committed to belittling and insulting our workforce through:
Skill irrelevance: We help our employees acquire outdated skills and give them badges that they can show on LinkedIn. You can hear the snickering from here.
Knowing that there is no dream job at IBM. Our company saps potential by channeling everyone's strengths towards activities that help senior management get their bonuses. Then we force you to move to another city and join a team where you have no relevant skills so we can lay you off with much greater efficiency.
Diversity of people: We don't play favorites. If you have a pulse, we will lay you off.
In 2015, "Go Away" obsoleted a record number of positions ensuring that no internal talent was promoted into any useful role. Come and "Go Away" with us.