Happy New Year, minions! Here’s a brief review of 2018.
In February we cancelled ECO and announced the end of layoffs during a nice VCIP announcement. We were already right sized! Plus Harvey was tough for the bureaucrats here. Future reductions might only conceivably maybe might be (heck I don’t know) “trims around the edges”, wording I got from reading ads about bikini and back waxing.
Have I mentioned how much I love February? I get cash, tax deferrals, estate management, stock options, stock... I love looking at my net worth March 1 and seeing how well I’m doing.
Ok, back to creating value.
In April we announced a new tier of the ELT because... well... this was the best way to give my friends a double grade level promotion.
In July, 2nd quarter actuals rolled in, and we discovered... wow... when oil prices go up, other stuff go up. Wow. WOW!! CapEx and OpEx going up with oil prices? Who’d have guessed?
In July we announced further employee reductions.
In September we fired a lot of employees. Again. Well, I’m still employed and paid well. Did I mention in 6 weeks from now I get more pay? Much of which the company helps me manage to reduce my own personal taxes. I love February!! But September’s sad because that’s when I trim around the edges. Sad!
In October we eliminated an ELT position and redistributed his duties. This accomplished two things: he got a huge severance, and the ELT “survivors” got a promotion for these “increased responsibilities” (and more pay, YEAH, BABY!). It’s nice to be Chairman of the Board!
In November we eliminated another ELT position and redistributed his duties. This accomplished two things: he got a huge severance, and the survivors got a promotion (and more pay, YEAH, BABY!).
In December, prices fell, more. Who’d have thought? Our plans now are to have more scenario plans, more collaboration and risk analysis, more HQ teams, more questions to BU’s, more promotions for friends, and more hiring of consultants for suggestions, because, well, this is a complicated business and WE NEED HELP.
In closing, the year ends: an oil price collapse, something we are again not prepared for, despite years and years of scenario and LRP plans, constant introspection, multiple planning meetings, and new brilliant planning and consulting folks telling us what we already know.
I know that 2018 concludes with our 9th layoff in 4 years, and that’s sad, sad! But hey, my net worth will again be significantly higher March 1, and my new multi million dollar office has a really cool view, so in closing I want you to know that a richer ELT is a happier and more productive ELT. We will be creating more value by asking more questions. And keeping our friends happy.
Now, get back to work!