Hoffman Estates 12-1-16. The Sears Holding Out Corporation Board of Directors has retained the services of Elizabeth A. Coleman, Inspector General of the Federal Reserve System, to direct an independent investigation as to where the 2016 Quarter 3 Financial results are for Sears Holding On Corporation (SHLD).
Chairman and CEO Edward S. Lampret declined to comment directly but tweeted that he intends to issue a 62,679 page manifesto in eight point pico as to why it is the effin new CFO guy's fault.
The Securities and Exchange Commission stated that they have never heard of Sears, Kmart, SHLD, ESL Holdings, High Frequency Trading, Frontrunning Institutional Orders, the COMEX and denied any knowledge of just about everything.
SHLD stock prices surged today on the news.
For more information on Elizabeth A. Coleman please take five minutes to enjoy this classic exchange.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJqM2tFOxLQ
ZHD