I make so much money doing practically nothing and nobody cares, it's easy:
So my manager is flexible and doesn't mind if I come in late so I take advantage of that. So by not coming in right on time, other people on my crew can take escalated calls, that saves me the headache of having to work with these dumb students.
Then after clocking in late I will just adjust my time and say it was some type of computer error where I had to reboot it. By doing this I just cut down my 40 hour week by 30 minutes. Now I only have to work 39 hours and 30 minutes. I do this mostly on Mondays since it's expected for our computer's to be rebooted over the weekend.
Then I take every single break which is 15 minutes per day, or 1 hour and 15 minutes a day, cutting down my work week to 38 hours and 15 minutes.
Next I will go through my morning routine of preparing my breakfast and coffee, which eats up another 15 minutes every day, or a total of 1 hour and 15 minutes. Now my work week is only 37 hours.
I always take opportunities to answer questions from my teammates, so I can go to their desk and eat up another 10 minutes or so, this doesn't happen every day but it adds up. So let's say about 20 minutes a week, so now my work week is only 36 hours and 40 minutes.
Also, I love Huddle's and team meetings, those are great for not working. On weeks we have team meetings, which are an hour, my work week is now 35 hours and 40 minutes. These are especially great for eating up time since most people take their time to get their.
And if I have a one-on-one on the same week, which last an hour then my work week is now 34 hours and 40 minutes.
Aux 5 is my friend, I like to make excuses to take PII to the recycle bin, or buy a snack from the vending machine or even take a third 15 minute break. You have to be smart and scatter them throughout the week, but you can do this for about 30 a week, just log it and say it was administrative so they can never call you on it. By doing this my work week is now only 34 hours and 10 minutes.
Now my favorite, we all have that really stupid student that needs to be told to breath otherwise they would die, well I like to milk these calls for at least two hours a week, I kill two birds with one stone, increase my talk time and avoid having to deal with complicated calls that just get rolled over. By doing this my work week is now 32 hours and 10 minutes a week.
It's important to be very friendly with those that sit next to me so we can get into long conversations about their families, their weekend plans, what movie is coming out, great recipes, and gossip. This eats up a solid two hours a week very easily, bringing down the work week to 30 hours and 10 minutes a week.
So now I just have to work as little as possible for about 6 hours a day. Another thing I like to do to kill time and make it look like I'm working so i write up an email about a policy and procedure and send it to the team. Then I will start a long drawn out email chain making it look like I'm being proactive but really this eats up a solid hour if I do it right. Now it's 29 hours and 10 minutes.
Leading a time waster event is a gold mine, like birthdays and holidays. I can aux out and take my sweet time decorating a desk or blowing up balloons for at least 30 minutes. Then later that same day spend another hour eating cake for the person's birthday, my manager can't say anything. All while calls come in and get routed to other people, haha. So that brings down my work week to 27 hours and 40 minutes.
So you may be thinking when do I actually work, well it's easy. I try to never return an email since if it's really important they can just call, and if I'm doing everything right it will get handled by another advisor. But what about escalated calls, what if my Manager doesn't see enough notes, well that's easy too. I have tried both methods writing super long confusing notes to drain whoever is reading them, and very short notes...what I found was try to keep them short and as vague and confusing as possible and open to interpretation as possible so that if a student ever escalates I can always defend myself and whatever story I give will fit the vague note.
I like to be passive aggressive in the phone with students so they don't call me. I don't care if they don't like me, they should only call me if it's important and like I said they will most likely talk to another advisor. The biggest mistake I've made was being nice to a student because then the never stop calling making me work too much. I have to balance giving them service, not getting written up and being passive aggressive so they don't like me. It's hard at first but worth it.
I used to be really good friends with my old manager and this would make it even easier not to work. I could run errands to the cafe for them and the team and just call it building morale, haha.
If anyone ever asks me a question regarding work I try not to give them the answer right away, but turn it into a brainstorming session and a tangent to really drag it out. I kill two birds with one stone, one they will get frustrated with me and never ask me for help and two i just ate up about 15 minutes to shorten my work week.
I like conference calling with my AC, this kills so much time it's beautiful! I could easily just call the student and take care of everything in let's say 10 minutes but when I conference call with my AC that same call can easily turn into 45 minutes. And that's just one call! I like to conference call with my AC every day if possible, which eats up about 1 hour a day on average. And most of the time I'm just on mute and listing to them talk. So that brings my work week to about 22 hours or 4 hours and 40 minutes a day.
Those 4 hours a day I like to do as little as possible, so I will just put out fires, like maybe respond to a few emails that if I didn't respond would get me in trouble, or make a couple calls and give really great service so it's recorded.
So I've been with UOP for many years and make really good money because I was around when the matrix was in place and only really work about 4 hours a day, giving as little effort during those 4 hours. Not a bad gig, I think I put more effort into taking getting ready in the morning then actually working.
Do I feel guilty, yes and no: my manager never checks my work, only if there is an escalation so all I really do is make sure there is no escalations. And these students are horribly ghetto and don't deserve my 100% like when I first started. And leadership is so disconnected they don't even know how anything works so I feel like I'm going to do this until they get there at together.
I come to work, put as little effort, and dream about the day I will get layed off and collect my huge severance for all the years I've put it hahah.
I know I'm not the only one who does this and feels this way. I will go down with this ship as long as I'm getting huge paychecks every two weeks. If they cut my pay, I will do everything I can to sabotage accounts, and I think they know that so they don't mess with me.