Whole Foods Market is clearly failing as a business and as a TM in the SoPac region I've taken it upon myself to come up with ways to help WFM get back on track and retake their image as a innovative and earth-conscious company. I have thought deeply about different strategies to boost profits and get some much needed favorable publicity and have come up with this brilliant idea:
Has anyone noticed the large amount of tight-lipped miserable looking middle-aged women that shop at WFM? They are clearly heading to the adult store later (which is WAY out of the way) to get some kind of 10-speed pleasure device. But wait! What if we could save them that extra trip?
My idea would be to open up a new section in stores dedicated to selling private label Fair-trade, Vegan, Gluten-free, and biodegradable adult toys. We could call the department "Whole Holes". No other grocery store is offering this and there isn't even one adult store in my area offering dildos that are allergen-free and good for the environment. We could run a campaign showing the destruction caused by the overflow of rubber dildos at landfills, shaming customer into buying our cutting-edge compostable, non-GMO dildos. Talk about one stop shopping...
Think about it Mackey! It may be the only way to satisfy and delight the insatiable and entitled demographic that shops at WFM.