Telethon time.
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I'll make it easier for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bbFmZIdlBw (our real ad - hard to find but I waded through all the hilarious parodies - I love some of the comments: "I'm actually really considering this..either this or Yale. It's a really tough choice.") https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mFMiTcFdNQ (UOP ad -- see the difference? Ours is "make a call and that be the hardest thing you need to do to get some fancy ass job" whereas uop's ad is actually aspirational).
Jerry Springer? Trust me, as much as we're on his show it might as well be a telethon! And speaking of that, why the hell can't we get better ads? The entire interwebs has been laughing at our ghetto ads for years and years now! All while our stock went down from $30 to TWO CENTS!!! What does it take for our idiot leaders to know that something is not working?!?!