There once was a fella from Baylor
Who said “As CEO I can’t be a failure”
I’ll overpay for fiber
We’ll sign up subscribers
And shareholders will praise my behavior.
His manner was disarmingly folksy
His Board and employees he’d coax(ee)
I’ve got my good sidekick Nickel
To get me out of a pickle
And drive out any lazy slow-pokesies.
His sights, ambitions and magical powers
Stretched far beyond the great land of towers
“A tech titan I’ll be”
“No tech pundit shall disagree”
“I’ll buy fiber to quiet the doubters”.
I’ll conquer Elliott naysayers and dire adversity
And promote fiber, and small cells, and PURPLE diversity
“The assets are young”
“So y’all best hold your tongue”
“We’ll sign up that second co-locator in . . . (wait for it) . . . 2050!”.
Wall Street analysts and investors, how he held them at bay
At least once a quarter, over them he held sway
“I just use Texan magic”
“No fiber revenue ain’t so tragic”
“More capital we shall simply outlay”.
“Be patient, just wait, small cells and fiber we’ll nourish”
“All that’s needed is more capital, for these assets to flourish”
Then revenue will grow
And this CEO will show
What can be wrought by a Texas whirling dervish.
Both carriers and enterprise, great fees they will pay!
I’ll “DISH” and I‘ll “NETWORK” to help pave the way
To my fiber they’ll flock
It will be such a shock
When instead I must give it away.
“Be real, be an owner, be accountable” – these traits I will trample
New values will rule, by my PURPLE example
Obfuscation, diversion, and platitudes shall obscure
Any motive more pure
Than my inexorable desire to destroy all value financial.
From small cells and fiber, I’ll turn their attention
A fiber forecast? Well, it’s too soon to mention
From Form 10Q all fiber numbers will be deleted
And quarterly this will be repeated
And I’ll dazzle with demos of fiber microtenchin’
Sell fiber? You’ve got to be crazy, that’s heresy
We’re just days away from prosperity
For now, I’ll cut jobs to the core
And there will be no more
Questions about the towers vs. fiber growth disparity
If necessary, I’ll blame all the others
“Young”, old, Southpointe Yankees or brothers
No blame shall accrue
To this great Texan who
All opposition to fiber shall smother
From my perch I have told them “I won’t budge”.
Wall Street analysts, you just hold a grudge
On 5G this all hinges
“Our fiber reaches even the fringes!”
Fiber revenue growth? Someday it will budge.
To small cells and fiber I have given my all
I’ve borrowed from Wells Fargo, Citibank, from Peter, from Paul
But like a spurned lover
Or fiber through manhole cover
Investor patience has just hit a wall.
Alas, the CEO track I no longer tread
No more capital on small cells or fiber shall be shed
I give thanks to the carriers
But I would be much merrier
If I were a leader in high tech instead.