Dear Customer,
I want to apologise that your project will be delivered late. As you know we have a world leading engineering team but they are hyper busy at the moment. The calendars are full. My current calendar is as follows:
Monday 19th July - all day session on "Recognising Micro-aggressions in the work place" delivered by some hippy throwback to the 1960’s
Tuesday 20th July - celebrating Pride Month successes with an all day review of the virtue signalling sessions that we undertook during Pride Month.
Wednesday 21st July - Self Criticism session in the morning to explore why I am unintentionally biassed against my colleagues and customers despite working with a multi-national trans-global team for over 20 years. Afternoon session will be "Recognising that Self Criticism sessions will lead to a more inclusive and diverse workplace”
Thursday 22nd July - An all day session encompassing multiculturalism in the CAS domain with the major question being "Are secured devices discriminating against those who cannot afford to buy entertainment legitimately?”
Friday 23rd July - This is our day off as we have aligned calendars globally within the business so as to avoid any discrimination either intentionally or otherwise. In fact our weekend now spans from Thursday evening to Monday morning globally and we are forbidden to access any electronic devices for any purpose so as not to upset anyone at all at all at all.
So as you can see - your project is way WAY down on my priority list and since I won’t be getting a bonus unless I swallow all of the above nonsense then that’s the way it is going to stay.