'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the store,
customers departed, merchandise left on the floor;
Colleagues and leaders, all heading home for the night,
in hopes that a day without Macy's would make it alright;
Later in the evening nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of announcements danced in their heads;
And Paula in her ‘kerchief, and Jeff in his cap,
had planned the restructuring and settle in for a nap
When out in the field there arose such a clatter,
region, district and stores leaders all in a chatter;
To Skype and Team Meetings they flew like a flash,
speculation, conjecture, guesswork, and hunches did clash;
As has been our process for the last several years,
struggling sales mean closings, and not a few tears;
If DM is your title, then the Hunger Games you will play,
competing against peers as jobs go away;
If district or regional jobs you do hold,
then its time to update profiles, if tenured and old
Come next month, what to our wondering eyes will appear,
but severance packages, and scrambles for jobs we hold dear;
In the distance a tractor all red and white flies out into the night
Signing bonus in hand, the driver must be young Harry in flight;
More rapidly than eagles, to Q3 earnings the analysts came,
And Jeff whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now! J.P., now! Deutsche now! BOA and Goldman,
“On! Morningstar on! Stanley on! Evercore and Barclays
To the top of the market, ThredUp, Backstage, Blue Mercury all,
vendor direct, hold and flow, each heralded during the call;
But the panacea analysts wanted to hear Jeff and Paula say
is the one pending discussion next February Investors Day
Jeff with a sleigh full of plans and strategies new,
none of them meaning well, for work life balance and you;
Real estate visions, discounter dreams, used clothing too,
$500 million in accelerated saving means job will be few
If the music stops in two weeks and there’s no chair left for you,
consider carefully your choices before deciding what to do;
Life is short and jobs shouldn’t require all of your time,
working at Macy’s was rarely sublime, and will only decline